#8

It takes two.

Two people to make a relationship work,

Two birds to make an egg,

Two legs for a man to stand up,

Two ears to hear left and right,

Two poles to hold a bridge.

A lot of things, takes two in order to make it work. Just like love. What is a relationship without a partner? Apart from your love for yourself and animals, you need another person to complete love. Regarding the gender, height, wealth, music taste, family background and looks, everyone needs another person to complete love together. As most of you know, I met my other half. It was very quick, but I’m sure he’s the one. He’s different, he’s special, he’s mine. Love is beautiful when you meet the right person. It’s not about the looks. It never was. I understand how everyone says it’s B-crap when someone says they don’t look at the looks but believe it or not, I didn’t. I never did. He has a beautiful face but he was a jerk so I turned him down immediately. By force, I had to keep the conversation going because I’m not good at ending conversations but I’m glad I didn’t. I learned that behind that jerky attitude he had, he was actually very kind. He just puts that yucky trait to avoid girls, probably? My point is, it’s never about the appearance. When you grow old, you only have white hair left, and wrinkles, and no longer beautiful, what will keep you together? Definitely the humor, the brain, the charm and the grace. It’s not always about the outside because the outside will fade and the inside will shine. Will you accept a dirty inside for a beautiful outside, or vice versa? The latter, of course. The inside is forever, outside is temporary. Not to mention the fact that the outside is very fragile. For example, you were in a car crash. After your treatment, it seems that your face is all different. Scars and cuts everywhere. Would they stay for your face? Of course not! But for your heart? Definitely. Because a beautiful heart beats a beautiful face, any day. Sadly, society thinks differently. If you’re beautiful, you deserve happiness. If you’re not a size 0, you are no one. Because nobody realizes how important the inside is until they lose the outside. Just a heads up, outside fades. Don’t be so devoted for their looks. You’re going to regret it. To choose the right partner to complete your love, go for the heart. Go for what they have to offer inside, instead of how they look on the outside. Because nothing is better than the purity of the heart. Absolutely nothing.

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#7

“I’M LONELY”

A phrase often said by teenagers, and I’m one of them. I’m currently lonely. I’m alone. I’m around the people I love the most, but I feel lonely. I feel like walking the earth alone no matter how many people I have walking beside me. Let’s face it, I’m probably the loneliest teenager in my neighborhood. Probably because I have everyone I need but to them, I’m no one the need. It’s a really one-sided relationship I have with everyone around me.

“I’m still alone.”

I have to remind myself everyday that I have people I love around me because they make me feel like I’m nothing. By the end of the day, I’m the one who gives reassurance that I mean something because most of the time, I’m nothing. I try my best to be happy but my effort would go down the drain every time I get shut down by the people I talk to. They never care about what I have to say because I’m never smart enough to speak my opinion.

“You’re going to be alone, forever.”

Whispered my echoes. Even I don’t like myself. Why would anyone stick around? I’m not interesting like them, I don’t drink or smoke like them, I don’t sleep around like them. I don’t have great stories to tell them. I sit in my room and write to myself because that’s where I find peace. I’m not good enough for them, am I? I don’t have a body to be stared, I don’t have the looks nor the hair. I’m an average. Nothing interesting. No wonder they leave. All of them.

“Nobody needs you.”

The monsters inside my mind reminds me everyday, without fail. Truth is, I don’t need anymore reminders. Reality says it all. I realize where I stand. I can’t be like them. I just can’t. I’m not how society thinks I am. I can never be that girl they expect me to be. I prefer crying in my room alone to feel better, not drink alcohol. I prefer starving myself when I’m stressed out, not stuff ice cream in my mouth. I’m actually very different. Bad different.

“You’re disgusting.”

That one statement I’m sick and tired of listening. It’s not like I don’t know it already. I’m sorry I don’t send my body to a shop so they would repair all my flaws. I like my flaws because they make me who I am. I don’t have a barbie face. I don’t go for weekly facial treatments, waxing, threading or anything like that. I don’t wear make up, ever. I keep myself natural and flawful when I go out because that’s who I am.

“You are such an embarrassment.”

An embarrassment? My whole life is an embarrassment. I don’t make my parents proud. I don’t make my friends happy. I don’t make my boyfriend blessed. Because I can only make people unhappy. I’m not good at making people feel delighted around me. They never listen to me. Because I’m not as important as everyone else. I’m different, and I’m awful. People think twice before befriending me. They reject whenever I invite them for hang outs. They don’t want to be caught being around me in public. Wow, I am really terrible.

“Just kill yourself.”

You think I didn’t try? You think dying is easy? It takes the right equipment, timing and privacy. I get none of them. My parents won’t let me go anywhere near a knife. No one would leave me alone in the room when I’m depressed because they know what I would do. Every time I attempt something, someone WILL interrupt me. Is it fate that I’m not meant to die yet? Only God knows. I don’t want to leave the people I love behind, but they want me to go. Why is life being a teen so difficult?

Most of the time, I’m suicidal. I think about death a lot. Too much for a teenager like me. I like living, but death sounds like a perfect getaway. I’m smart enough to know life after death won’t be beautiful for people who commits suicide but no one would attempt suicide for fun. I’m tired of being everyone’s second choice. I’m my parents’ second choice. My best friends’ third choice maybe? I can rely on my boyfriend. He’s been there for me when I cry and when I laugh. Because he wants to be there for my best and worst. I also rely on my best friends. They are everything to me. Unlike some people, they only need me when I’m at my best so that they don’t have to listen to my burdening stories. No one cares, dear self. Snap out of it!

“You can go through this. It’s just another suicidal phase. Everyone loves you. They need you”

I remind myself every time I feel this way. Surprisingly, it helps me a lot. I need you right now. I need you to give me strength because without you, I’m weaker than my usual weak self. You give me strength, and you give me hope. I wish everyone would treat me the way you do. Life would be decent for me. But no, everyone has their important people. I’m just not one of them.

“It’s okay, dear self. Everything is going to be fine and it will get better”

I chant in my mind. I can make things better without anyone’s help. I don’t need to self harm or take pills. I can just do what I always do. Watch movies? Call my boyfriend? Listen to music? Anything to keep my mind off such horrible ideas like suicide or anything like that.

“Just don’t hurt yourself anymore, dear self. You’re better than this”

I say, as tears stream down my face. I’m not the strong girl you think I am. I may be quiet, but I’m not strong. You don’t know the meaning of strong until you go through the loneliness I feel everyday. I just wish one day, people would say I mean something to them. For once, I want to feel important. And if possible, I want to hear it before I go. Please, at least let me go in peace. I want to feel happiness. Just like normal teenagers do. I’m not strong. I need happiness too.

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#6

To all the heartbroken peeps who can’t move on, this post is for you. Let me start with my own experience, true story:

“I was once madly in love with a guy. It was his senior year, I was a freshman. He was the tough guy and he plays rugby for the state. He was in the hottest and most popular clique along with the really good looking seniors that everyone looks up to. I was just another girl. Fat and ugly. Every time they walk pass me, I would think to myself, “They would never talk to me. Never in a million years”. Everything changed when I was at school, open hall, I received a friend request on BBM. It was from him. I asked my friends for confirmation because I couldn’t believe myself. I approved it and said NOTHING. Suddenly, he started the conversation with a simple hi. I couldn’t believe it. Why would such a famous guy, known to the whole neighborhood, say anything to such an underdog like me? Anyway, I played cool. Kept a conversation going for quite a while. After a couple months, I fell for him. Fast, I know. He was never a gentleman, but he’s truly charming. And it was a surprise how he would talk to someone like me. So one day, I decided to confess to him my feelings towards him. Boy, you have no idea how painful it was to find out he JUST got together with one of the sophomores. I was devastated, but I moved on. After a month, I heard news that he broke up with that girl. Oh, and not to mention they were a hot couple and people shipped them so much. So, he started talking to me again and he told me he couldn’t be with her because he has feelings for me. I HAD BUTTERFLIES EVERYWHERE. After a few weeks, he had the guts to ask me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t take much time to accept. We were as happy as can be. We were the same, but very different. When I go out with him, it felt like going out with myself. No one can read me the way he does. He understood everything about me. After half a year, things got rough. Misunderstandings happened much too often. We fought a lot. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I didn’t know how to save the relationship. Things happened too fast. I blame myself for that. One day, everything just ended like that. At first, it was easy to move on because he was a total jerk. He dated the head cheerleader after a week, which made me hate him so much. 3 months after moving on, he came back. Begging for me. He claimed that I was the best he’s ever had. I shot him down and left him hanging. Deep down inside, I still loved him. The same way I have since the first day. But I had to do the right thing and reject him. I kept my feelings for him for so long. Recently, he came back to me again. He claimed that I was still his best even after 3 years of breaking up. He dated girls after me but he still thinks I’m the best? There must be something wrong with that boy. I rejected him, once again. He says that after I graduate school, he wants us to get back together and get married because he needs me in his life. I was flattered. I still have those butterflies I get 3 years ago, even after being apart for so long. That was the effect from being with him. He was definitely my first, and best. I would always reject him but if I’m being perfectly honest, he will always have that spot he once left in my heart. Although that spot is taken by someone else, he left the deepest mark and it’s going to be there, forever”

I, too, have trouble with moving on. It takes the right people, right activity, and right mindset to move on properly. Now, to help you people who has trouble with moving on. First of all, I want to help you mentally. Do you know why you have to move on? Because you deserve happiness. You cannot stay devoted to someone that was once yours, or never yours in the first place. Because you don’t deserve that pain. Hanging on to a person that doesn’t feel the same will only hurt yourself and you can definitely change that. First step is to bear in mind that you HAVE to let go. You HAVE to forget that person. Lets just use “he” to ease the progress. If you’re a guy, interpret it yourself and change every “he” to a “she” alright? Okay anyway, no matter how good he is, if he’s not yours anymore, you have to let go. I know it hurts to see him with another girl but trust me when I say, there’s someone so much better for you. There’s 7 billion people in the world. You don’t need that one person to be happy. Even if he’s your husband and you guys have a divorce, you will find someone better. No one is made for one person only. Many of you would think that it’s “fate” but IT’S NOT. It’s fate if you marry him, stay happy and die together. That’s fate. Not your boyfriend from your class or whatsoever. Maybe to you, it’s fate because they make you super happy. Then, you’re probably right. But once they become really clingy and you’re sick of it, you have to move on. A person is only permanent when they make you happy, even when you’re unhappy. If you’re madly in love with a guy who doesn’t make you happy, you have to get your head straight because why are you in love if he doesn’t make you happy? You have to know when you can be devoted, and when you have to move on. Look people, being in love is a great feeling. But when the love dies and you’re not together anymore, know that there are so many more fishes in the sea so let go of the one you have. You just need the right bait and a good fishing rod. Right bait can either be money, or brains. A good fishing rod can be a hot body or charms. Anything will do. As long as you know that when you have the right bait and a good fishing rod, you can catch better fishes than the one you have on your line. The fish on your line is probably an old boot or an empty tin can. You have no idea what the world has to offer. There is so much more you can discover. Don’t waste your life on an old boot when you can let go, cast again and probably catch a huge ass shark? You will never know what you’re missing out until you discover on your own. And you can never discover anything until you let go what’s not making you happy or satisfied. If you’re blessed with the fish you have, and you’re sure as hell that it’s an actual fish, then you can reel in the line and keep the fish in an aquarium or something. If what you have on the line is a shoe and you know it’s someone else’s shoe, you have to let go and cast for something better. Metaphorically, that was my advice. To be straight forward, if you know he’s not for you, and you’re not for him, let go. There are so many people in the world and you will find someone better because everyone deserves the perfect guy. It just takes the right mindset to know when to let go. I hope some of you would have the right idea of the message I’m trying to send in part 1. I will work on part 2 as soon as I can, alright? Think about it. The right bait and a good fishing rod. Let go of the old boot for a really expensive and rare fish. Best of luck!

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer.

#5

Assalamualaikum. If you still read my blog after all my pointless entries, you mean a lot to me. Because I’m a very pointless writer. And for you to have such attention span for something pointless is incredible. Anyway, I want to share my two cents about society. Society is rather general. It is basically the mankind. Don’t get me wrong, I love certain parts of the society. It’s the least favorite part of society deserves a spot in this entry. I don’t know if you know this but I actually have the ability to know someone’s true intentions. When they talk to me, I know when they’re trying to boast, when they’re trying to be humble (but still boast), when they want to rub it in my face or when they don’t care about the subject they’re speaking of. Most of the time, I can detect how boastful a person can be and it irritates me more than anything. That’s the main reason why I avoid society. Because I cannot tolerate how arrogant they can be. Society is awful at times. They will hurt you no matter what they do, behind you or right in your face. People who prefer going behind another’s back, known as backstabbers, should be loathed. I’ve known a million backstabbers my entire life and I haven’t even lived that long. Backstabbers are actually nice people, just less honest. When they despise a friend or a family member, they tend to lie about how much they like that person. Which leads to false hope and also a fake way of seeing someone. When they hide their true hatred, they will have their limits and eventually spreads the hatred for that person, to another person.  Either that, or they spread hate through social networks anonymously, or indirectly. If you’re honest (unfortunately like me), you would tell off someone for something they do that isn’t your interest without filtering anything because you’re honest. In my opinion, being honest is much better than being two-faced and hide something you dislike and spreading hate for no reason. You can always say it to their face and hope that they change because that’s what I do. And tell me this, would you prefer changing yourself from what anonymous people tell you or from a really honest friend who does it privately, not publicly. The latter obviously, no? I would prefer an honest friend any day.

Now, there’s always a twist in my entries. Society hates honest people. Why? Because they think being honest is rude, which I totally disagree. Would you really prefer a friend who talks behind you rather than saying it to your face? I think honest people are slowly extincting in this cruel world and it has to be changed. If you don’t like a person, say it directly. Don’t hide it and keep it to yourself. It’s only going to turn into a massacre of problems inside your mind because they tend to repeat the same mistakes. They’ll PROBABLY stop if you tell them it’s bothering other people. There’s no harm done in being honest. Only to people who thinks they’re always right, though. They will never listen to another person’s opinion and they tend to mute advice from people. These kind of people has to be told off for not listening to a person’s opinion, not talked behind their backs. There’s no such human who deserves to be back stabbed because it’s such an awful thing to be done in this world. We should put backstabbing to a halt, make the world a better place. If you have something to say about a friend that you dislike, say it now. Talking badly about someone is not only bad, it’s a sin. Instead of continuing a sin, tell them directly and hope that they change into a better person. Every effort counts, every change starts from YOU. Stop backstabbing and be a man of your own words. Speak what’s on your mind to the person being thought of. No third-parties. Make the world a better place!

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer.

#4

It’s been a while, I must say. I’m actualy 7364.65 miles away from the place I usually blog. Currently in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Probably in the Africa continent. I’ve never been good in Geography. Anyway, how are you readers? I have so much in my mind to express but it’s appropriate to share my experience here in Saudi Arabia.

First day, our flight landed at 8.45 pm at Jeddah. That’s around 3.45 am in Malaysia. When we arrived, we were greeted averagely by the Arabs. They were pretty scary at first. Only because some of the people couldn’t follow such simple instructions which obviously would tick the security guards off. So we had to go in a queue for about 2 hours because of BAD systems. We waited that long just for our luggage bags. And they weren’t even careful with them. They would throw them to the floor like dirty laundry. Anyway, after a whole 2 hours, we got our luggage safely and we walked to the bus. It was probably 7 blocks away. Once we got in the bus, it took us 4 hours to reach Medina. We obviously slept in the bus because we weren’t used to the time zone yet. Oh, and when we stopped somewhere for a quick pit-stop, IT WAS FREEZING. We were totally unprepared and it was beyond our expectations. It was so cold I can feel my bones begging for mercy. We had to pray in such weather and with total shock after sleeping so soundly in the bus. After that was done, we got up in the bus and went through about an hour to reach the hotel. Once we got there, it was probably the best feeling ever. We stayed at a hotel called Elaf Tayiba and it was great. It’s a decent 4-star hotel with WIFI at the lobby. The room was comfortable and it was so much more than we expected. Without doing anything further, we put on our pajamas and went to bed. Now that was probably the best sleep I’ve ever had in 16 years. We woke up during Subuh prayers at 5 am and took our wudhu’ in cold water, shock of my life. After praying, we basically sat the lobby, steal WIFI, eat, pray, shop, visit places and yaaaaaa that’s all we did. Medina was a very decent city. Not that busy, not that hot, not that cold, everyone was so friendly and it’s definitely somewhere I wanna live! After 3 days of doing nothing much, we had to say goodbye to the city of peace.

We hopped on the bus and went through 4 hours to get to Mecca. En route, we had to stop at a certain mosque for Miqat. Meaning, we read some sentences that will put us in an “Ihram” state. At that point, we are forbided from clipping our nails, cutting our hair, say bad things, expose our body and a lot more regulations. If one breaks the rule, they have to pay “dam” which is in a form of money. Usually it’s paying the amount of money worth a goat, or a camel. Luckily, we manage to control ourselves and non of us had to pay for “dam”. Anyway, once we reached our hotel in Mecca called Al-Saraya Eman, we had dinner and then perform our first Umrah. If you don’t know what Umrah is, it is a form of activity Muslims do. Umrah is actually a mini Haji. And a Haji is actually compulsory for people who has the money to do it.

Anyway, we performed our Umrah which consists of walking around the Kaabah 7 times, called Tawaf. Walk from Bukit Safa till Bukit Marwah 7 times, called Sa’i. And then do Tahlul, which is cutting at least 3 strands of your hair. After doing Tahlul, you are automatically lifted off from Ihram meaning we can do all the things we couldn’t while being under it.

Once we finished our first Umrah, we went back to the hotel and went to sleep because it was 5 am and we were truly exhausted. Oh, an information I left out, the hotel was rated below average. 2-star, in my opinion. It was small, dirty, poorly-serviced and has no wifi connectivity AT ALL. But I was grateful, without a doubt. Being at such a Holy city meant the world to me and I had absolutely no reason to complain. In Mecca, we visited many historic places such as Bukit Arafah and Hudaibiyyah. It is busier here. The mosque is further which means we have to get ready sooner. Cars are everywhere and people here are less friendly compared to Medina. Okay anyway, we performed our second Umrah on the fourth day. It was amazing. We did the Tawaf on the higher floor. Better view of the Kaabah and less people but it was under the sun. If you guys don’t know this, I’ve always been afraid of the sun. I get sunburns so easily. Although I participate in so much sport, my face is my top priority. So, after we did Tawaf, we did Sa’i and then Tahlul. Then we went back to the hotel and rested all day. Mecca is less interesting because it’s much too busy here. Everyone is busy doing ibadah and selling stuff around the mosque and policemen were everywhere. Basically, it wasn’t my kind of beef. Currently, it’s 3.47 pm here in Mecca. My flight to Malaysia is tomorrow evening at 10 pm and it’s a 10 hour-flight back. I can’t wait to go back.Well, it’s goodbye for now. Nothing much to say about Mecca nor Medina anymore. Till the next entry, bye!

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#3

I'm in love with my best friend.
I fell in love with him,
A little too hard.
He is everything to me.
He is my best friend,
Partner in crime,
Problem solver,
Care taker,
Other half,
And most importantly,
He is my soul mate.

I have never felt this blessed to have someone in my life after so long. I have found the man of my dreams. The man I want to spend my life with in the future; together forever. I've been totally happy ever since I met him. Never this happy in my entire life. What makes him so special? Why did I choose him? What has he done for me that made me fall so hard? What's different about him? Why is he the one for me?
This is my story:

I was never the happy girl you would normally encounter. I'm depressed and suicidal most of the time. I'm broken and I used to think I can never be fixed ever again. That is, until I met him. How did we meet? Well, he is an archer. One day, he had an archery competition in my school. Coincidentally, I had some business to be done so I bumped into him. We started talking and for some reason, I just had to take a picture with him so I did. And we started talking on twitter via direct message. At first, I found him really annoying and he was such a jerk, playing hard to get and all. I couldn't care less so I distant myself from him because he was being so annoying. I was at the point where I would thank God whenever he has to do something like eat or bath because I'm glad I don't have to reply to that jerk. One day, he asked for my number because it's always more convenient to whatsapp each other so I did, despite the fact that I know I would get super annoyed by him. I ignored that fact and gave him my number. So we started whatsapp-ing each other. He was still playing hard to get and I was playing Miss I Don't Care. He mentioned something about meeting again and I thought to myself, "Hell no girl, you are not meeting that jerk. Don't even think about agreeing" but I was never good at listening to my own words so I told him, "Yeah sure, why not?". Pfft why not? Because he was a pain in the ass, that's why! Anyway, we proceeded our whatsapp conversations to a skype call just for the sake of seeing his beautiful face. We started chatting on whatsapp all day and all night. His blood has a little Arab mixed in it so I learnt speaking a little bit in Arabic from him. One day, he called me "habibti" which meant my love in Arabic. I was flattered. I also called him "habibi" which meant my love for male in Arabic too. Feelings bud and it was magical. He was humorous and knows me well for someone who just met me for a few weeks. He has eyes of an angel, I swear. After weeks of skyping and whatsapp-ing, we finally had a meet up. And then feelings grew bigger as he stares into my eyes deeper. We skyped almost everyday for hours. We meet more often and we talk about feelings a lot. One day while we were skyping, I called him "baby" when we were saying our goodbyes and he called me "sayangku" which caught me immediately. Ever since, we dissed "habibti" and "habibi" and went full relationship mode. The twist is that we are not in one. We're best friends, forever. He listens to me cry and he gives me great advices about life. He asked me to be his girlfriend twice but unfortunately, I rejected him both times. I cannot bear the vision of my life without him. I can live without him, I just choose not to. I love the life I have being his best friend and I cannot ask for anything better. He has been the best for me and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship by being in a relationship. I need him to be happy again. I need my other half. He is nothing like the guys I encounter on a daily basis. He is better, tenfold. He knows how to joke around with me even when I'm not in the mood to socialize with anyone. He makes me feel important as if I'm everything to him and it's like I need to be there in order for him to be happy. He finishes off my sentences before I can even say them. He reads my mind like a high-class wizard. He is my definition of perfect and I want this to last. I want him to stay with me forever. I've even met his sisters, cousins, friends, and he met mine. He comes to my house often just to help me bake or watch tv together. I have a special bond with his family and I enjoy it. Although we live quite far from each other, he puts all his effort just to see me. I want to have him for the rest of my life because what we have right now is absolutely abnormal for me. I have never been so head over heels for someone like this. Without him, I would be the saddest and most devastated girl ever. I am truly blessed to have him. Syukur, Alhamdulillah.

Ahhhhh there we go! Part 1 of my love life. That was basically the introduction. If it wasn't obvious enough, I love him. I love my man. And he will remain my man forever. I thank Allah everyday for giving me the biggest blessing next to my parents and my best friends. God gave me a man for me to love unconditionally. I will give you my all, love. You are worth it. I love you.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer.

#2

I'm not like any other teenager. I don't drink, I don't get high, I don't fuck around with guys, I don't go to clubs, I don't socialize with people as much as I do on twitter compared to reality but I have absolute 0 problem with people who does. I have many friends who socialize like mad and I'm perfectly fine with it. What bothers me is that people look down on teenagers like me. Just because we don't go out the way you guys do, doesn't mean we're strange or something. I like being in my room and study. I don't eat the same amount you do. I eat less. I don't bother doing special treatments for my face. I don't go for waxing. I don't pluck my eyebrows. I don't wear make up. I like how my body is when it's natural. I would prefer going out au naturale, any day. All the things stated above would all lead to a life story I'm about to share.
Here it goes:

"I was never the pretty girl. I never caught anyone's attention. I'm not a size 0 and I don't have flawless hair. I'm basically me. A girl with fat thighs, fat tummy, fat arms, yucky hair, yucky face, yucky skin and a yucky taste in fashion. I never take care of my body the way other girls do. I don't go for intense facials or even wear make up. I wear clothes I think feels comfortable regarding the size, brand or color. But the twist to the story is that all my friends are absolutely opposite of who I am. They don't reflect me at all. They wear make up, doll up for school, hang out with countless guys, wear expensive clothes, drinks, smokes, sleeps around and any other social situation you can possibly think of. I bet you're wondering how? How can a basic girl like me make friends with super hot girls like them? And why? Why would any hot girl befriend me? Unfortunately, those questions will remain unanswered. I've been searching for an answer for years. In my opinion, they need me for my heart. Nice guys don't dig chicks like them and they need my advice to get the guys they want. Or they need me for whatever I have that they don't, which I'm still uncertain of. Anyway, they are my best friends and vice versa. The pain is not being with people that's totally opposite of me. It hurts knowing that I have the feeling of being unwanted and weird to them. For example, I've been looked down on for not plucking my eyebrows the way they do and they think I'm weird for not doing so. Is that really rational or am I simply being a vagina? Either ways, I feel like they don't need me the way I need them. I've always been the odd and absent one whenever they make outings because I'm nothing like them. I don't like going out after school and I don't like going out for movies with guys. I prefer being in my room to study or just sleep because nothing is better than the comfort of my own home. I don't have to go out and impress anyone because I don't think it's really that important. You will never understand the pain of a teenager who has best friends with absolutely opposite traits and to go through high school with them is going to be difficult but somehow I don't think I can make it without them. Although we are different, we are the same. I need them more than anything no matter how different we are."

Alright so that was the story. Just a small part of it though. I hope you get the message I'm trying to send to you. Basically, I'm different. I'm not like the girl you expect me to be and I'm not the average girl you will encounter. I can't promise you a day with laughter or smiles but I can promise you that I won't hurt you no matter what happens. I love all my friends and I love them just the way they are. Although I'm different, I like it. I like being the weird and odd girl because at least I'm myself. Be yourself and you'll be happy.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer.