#19

Double posts for today as I've been MIA for so long. As promised, I'm going for a specific topic. This is something I've been holding on to for quite a while. Right now is absolutely the most appropriate time to let the cat out of the bag. I'm going to talk about one of the most pathetic people in the world and that is people who envies another's happiness.

Disclaimer: This is not an indirect post although I'm sure most of you would feel offended. If you do, you have issues with yourself, not me.

There are so many bad people in the world. If I were to list them all, I would have to quit school and be stuck in front of my laptop all day. But this very very specific type of bad people is by far the worst.

Have you ever had a 'friend' who would go against EVERYTHING you do. Especially when the things you do makes you happy. Well, I'm sure everyone does. And I know how I always say everyone is a hypocrite but I can assure you that this sickness is not found in everyone. I know this may sound stupid but I have never envied someone for their happiness. Yes, I literally mean never. Believe it or not, that's not my problem. My truth is for me to believe, not you.

Anyway, If you have such friend, I feel you. Let me enlighten you about this particular type of person I've been speaking of. I will explain in my own words of how I describe these people and then you're free to judge your friends and find out if any of them does the same. Let's.

1. Bad-mouthing
It's absolutely no surprise that your friends would bad-mouth you, directly or indirectly. That's no surprise because some people nowadays are really awful. However, there's a specific type of bad-mouthing that you should keep an eye on. Okay look, people can talk bad about you behind you. They can talk about your flaws, your past, your mistakes. And that's absolutely normal. It's bad, but it's normal. But what do you think of someone who talks about you but all about the good things you're going through? These people won't quit. Whether you're doing something nice or not doing anything at all, they would still put you in their sinful conversations. Why? Because it's not about what you did, do, or will do. It's about you having a brilliantly interesting life and they just so happen to have a boring one. A really boring life that would literally bore the hell out of someone so they choose to put your life in a conversation instead. Doesn't that make sense? And if it doesn't to you, tell me this. Why would anyone talk about you when they have nothing to do with you? It's foolish and pathetic. Gainsay all you want. You know what you're doing wrong.

2.  Ganging
Just because you're against something, you just have to get the whole world to go against with you. Why? When were you put to this Earth to replace satan's spot, dragging one another to the horrendous hell hole? Why would you do that to your 'friends'? And I find it ridiculous how someone would join such sinful activity by being a horrible person. And for what cause? What do you really get from this? Just because you dislike someone or something, even for the stupidest reasons, don't drag someone in your mess. You have a sick heart, you have issues with people, you have a sad and boring life. Why invite others to join your pathetic crew? I mean do you honestly feel stronger when people are by your side, hating with you? Because if that's the case, wow you're weak..... You can't fight your own battles so you get people to join your stupid problem; not realizing you're behind the gun's trigger the whole time. You seriously need help.

3. Wreckers
Doing the first two things I stated is still fine if you're doing it silently. But once you start showing your pathetic protest by action, you're falling into the deepest yet saddest hole of 'your-life-must-really-suck' and I'm suggesting help. Like therapy or something because your heart is truly sick and broken. I mean honestly, why would anyone hurt someone who has never done harm to you? That's rubbish! Once again, I know everyone's a hypocrite but really though? Do you honestly have to go wreck one's life for absolutely no reason?

Ugh this topic annoys me so much. It's crazy to think that some people can have such an ugly heart. Seriously I give up. If you have friends like this, get new ones. You don't deserve the drama. That's all for now since I got so disgusted by the topic. Bye.

Sincerely,
The Desolated Writer

#18

A massacre of desolation is what I am for the past few months. Indeed, I was away. But I wasn't missed. And I'm sure that's all that matters honestly. Anyhow, hi. It's been quite a while. My life has been a wreck lately. It was a long, sweet, painful but brilliant wreck. The ones where you come back, begging for more. Yes, that's basically my life for the past 4 months? 5 months? In another words, my life is amazingly sorrow.

Where do I start? Honestly I have absolutely no clue. This could just be an introduction for my NEW new beginning. I'm emphasizing new twice because I've been wanting to start fresh several times but it's all just another fail I can laugh at. Currently, I'm going for my 5th "new start" and I hope to keep this one real and alive. Slowly, but surely.

Blogging will be compulsory for me from now on. I'll try to put up at least 2 entries weekly. It's not that I wasn't on my laptop or anything. It's just that every time I switch it on, I get stuck on YouTube for at least 15 hours watching weird sitcoms and not blog at all. So from now on, I'll probably blog before I do anything whenever I switch my laptop on. That's a quest for me to fulfill.

I know my blog is nothing compelling but it's quite a hobby for me. I blog for myself. If you were to read my blog, that would be for yourself, not me. I entertain myself and no one else.

However, I enjoy blogging to help some people out there. Closeted people, introverts, or anyone to be perfectly honest. I like posting entries that motivates people or anyone that picks up interest. My point is, I enjoy what I do and I'll keep doing it when I can. It may not captivate you but that's not what I'm here for so deal with it, I guess?

My next entry would be helpful for those with a sick heart who constantly envies happy people. Especially when it has completely nothing related to them. They just have awful sickness in their hearts that absolutely needs help. Until then, laters.

Sincerely,
The Desolated Writer

#17

Let's just say, I'm pressing the "Restart" button for my life because that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to delete every negative vibe I can possibly delete & replace them with amazing positive ones. Why? Because a wise father once told me to take the good in bad. Apparently, my bad is all bad so why not throw away the bad and take the good I pushed away for the bad. Make sense, no? I'll enlighten you here.

I've always been mean to myself all these years. I cared about what people thought. I organized everyone's happiness but forgot my own. I let people take me for granted because back then, I thought I don't have anyone else. But when I thought deeper, I do have other people. So much more people. A negative thought will destroy your life and all the happiness in it.

I literally thought I didn't have friends, back then. But now I realize I have so many friends I pushed away because I thought my old "friends" were true to me. I was proven wrong for the past few months. I want to deeply apologize to my old friends whom I neglected for so long. I know how it feels and I'm really really sorry. It took me a month to see what true friends I have behind me, supporting me at all times when my "friends" were dissing me. I'm contented, blessed even, to have amazing people like you guys.

I was put to a huge test by God to see how good I am with patience and let me be the first to say that to be very honest, I took the test really nicely. I wasn't triggered to repeat my old mistakes like self-harming or cussing like an idiot. All I did was pray. Pray that I get a huge and useful lesson from the test and you know what? I really did.

Life is not about what you have, had or will have. It's about how you're grateful with no matter what you have. Test or blessing, be grateful with all. Because life is way too short to regret anything. And it's also too short to be wasted on chasing people who's not worth your time. Trust me, no one is worth your time but God.

Truth be told, I'm not a pious lady myself. I'm not deeply devoted to my religion. To me, not deep enough; will never be deep enough. But I know well enough that God will always be there if you call upon Him. And when you're in trouble, only God is worth being called upon because He gave you the test, He will grade you, He will determine whether you failed or aced the test. So why ask someone else to grade your test for God? It's His and only His job.

By the end of the day, we're put on Earth to prepare for our ukhrawi as perfect as we possibly can, & never for duniawi. Yes, we sometimes may slip on our own words but true people will stand up, make up for it and improve. As I said before, I'm not a pious lady. I'm nowhere near being reverent whatsoever but I make up for it, & improve. I believe everyone should in order to make this world a better place for the next generation.

More to come.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer

#16

I really don't want to procrastinate because once I start, it takes forever to stop. Anyway, hey guys. Part 2 of my part 2. The entry earlier. I'm here to make sure you people make the right choices because I always see tweets about being there for a friend but a friend isn't there for them when they need it. Why? Maybe because your friend isn't a friend enough to do his/her job as one. What is a friend? What are the signs that shows he/she is a good friend? Time for some enlightening lol

A friend is someone who is willing to go through rough moments with you. Someone who would stand up for you when you're in trouble. Or simply a friend who would listen to your problems and do whatever it takes to make you smile. Friends are people who wouldn't mind going through pain just for you because he/she is a good enough person to have a heart. A friend is someone who cares about you, and about your life problems. Someone who has a heart, basically.

Why are you making the wrong friends? It doesn't matter how long you've been friends with them, or how much you both have in common. If they don't treat you as a friend, you shouldn't treat them like one. Just please don't waste your time on someone who doesn't make time for you. Don't swim across the sea for someone who wouldn't even jump a puddle for you. It's simple as that.

Choosing your friends may sound difficult but it's actually not. Those cliques you hang around with till the end of the day, do you honestly think they would be there for you when the distance is far away? Some might. If they are your true best friends. But I believe 80% of the "best friends" you make in high school would probably turn into strangers once you go on your own separate ways. Don't believe me? Just wait.

Maybe for the first few months, you might still keep in contact with them. But what happens in a few years? When everyone is busy doing assignments, raising a family, taking care of their folks. You think you can "hang" the way you used to back in the old days? I don't really think so. If they can't be there for you during the good times, what makes you think they'll be there for you for your hard moments in life?

Everyone has their own problems and while trying to settle them, we gain more problems trying to solve other people's issues. Only a true friend would sacrifice to help you get through your problems while the others would just hear it out of curiosity. This is only the cold truth. Ending high school with 2 or 3 best friends would be a blessing. They will stay for you through thick and thin. Not those fake "happy cliques" who constantly back stabs each other.

Why waste your time? If you know they're not good friends, then stop befriending them. It's the easiest thing to do. You may lose them but they lost a really good friend and in my opinion, they're the ones losing. Not you. A good friend is made for another good friend. A fake friend? They'll be given a fake friend and one day, karma will hit them. Cliche, I know. But I believe in karma. I've experienced it so many times.

I've been having writer's block since the beginning of the entry therefore, I'm ending this with a cliffhanger. Sorry guys. It's 10:45 pm here in Malaysia. Stay safe wherever you guys are.

Until next entry.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer

#15

Ready for part 2, guys? Time to continue my stories about the rough month I had. This issue, like the first one, sounds pathetic as well. If a break up doesn't sound pathetic to you, losing a best friend might. Do I really have to go in to details because I might say something wrongly. Nonetheless, I'm going to enlighten you people about the horror I had to go through during this time period. First, an introduction about the matter.

I had a best friend. Been there for me for 8 years & I enjoyed every moment. Until true colors appeared. Truly obvious. It was horrendous. Reality is, I've been in this situation way too many times, by the same person, over probably the same reason too. I'm just dumb enough to let her back in my life because I've given her everything but she never appreciates me. Also, I can't name one thing she's ever given me other than a good laugh.

Not to sound like a total brat whatsoever but it's the ugliest truth people has to face. No matter how much effort you put on someone, they'll be disgusting enough to not learn to appreciate. I don't understand why. It's so difficult to tell a story because no matter what I say or do, I'll always be a hot topic for her to mock. She can pretend like it's not true but reality is, I have friends who are loyal enough to tell me the things she said. But in my opinion, it's fine. I don't forgive her. And I don't expect her to forgive me since I didn't do the shit she does to me so I won't need it anyway. Story time!

One day, she suddenly decided to hate me. Just out of the blues. She would talk about me in front of me. Point and laugh. Whisper and laugh. At that point, I was truly clueless. What went wrong? Didn't matter to me because she does that to other people with me so I figured, it's just a lifestyle for her to talk about others. Not a problem to me. Until people started telling me about this ONE lie. Just one rumor she started spreading that ticked me off. That was the last straw for a liar like her so I talked to the only person I trusted, my ex.

Little did I know, he would tell his best friends about my issues. And coincidentally, his best friend was dating her. And then drama started when he knew about this matter. I was indignant at the lies she told people so I told him the story. Maybe, just maybe, the story wasn't true TO HER but it was the truth I was told by eyewitnesses. Who am I supposed to believe? People in the situation or a backstabber? Go figure. Anyway, I told my ex's best friend about the problem I was going through and surprisingly, he was helping me. But she had the nerves to tell everyone that what I told him was a lie? And told people the reason she's sending so much hate is because I told one lie? That lie wasn't even a lie. It's what I was told from so many people. And I only told him the story because initially, she sent so much hate first.

What do you guys think? She sent hate for no reason and when I do one thing about it, she says that that's the reason behind her rudeness. And she's been telling people I'm two-faced? Wow. Just wow. I would really like to know your opinion about this. This is the most general way I can tell the story. Because I don't give other people bad names unlike her. If you're self-inflicted over this entry, you must be doing something wrong. I don't always rant but this matter is truly pointless. What did I do wrong? And what did she do "right"?

It doesn't matter, to be honest. She's been like this since forever. Using me since only God knows when. Her behavior is awful and I'm glad I lost her. I may lose a best friend but I didn't lose in life. God basically saved me from the horror of befriending the wrong people. However, God gave me 4 incredible people in my life. And individually, they're better than a million of the "best friend" I lost. Yeah, that's how awful her true colors are. I don't need her. I don't need her forgiveness either. I'm sure I did nothing wrong to her. Wouldn't forgive her for the b-crap she did behind my back tho. It's really not my problem.

Initially, I wanted to talk about "true friends" but I guess I'll do that in another entry since I've talked so much in this one. If you're inflicted by the entry, it's not my problem. I'm a forgetter but I'm definitely not a forgiver to those who aren't even sorry. None of my concerns about what happens to their life afterwards. I'm blessed with the people I have now, with God by my side always. I'm already the luckiest girl in the world. :)

Next post coming up!

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer

#14

I know I know. I blog way too seldom to be named a "blog" but I swear I have my reasons. For the past couple of weeks, my life has been at its worst. I really hate talking about my personal weakness but it's the least I can do for not blogging often. Well, no one cares about how often I blog but I just feel like I should at least have the courtesy to explain myself. Such a one-sided introduction but whatever. As I said before, my life has been awful lately. Really really really bad. I was at the point where I thought I didn't have to live because the pain was somehow "unbearable" at first. But surprisingly, things got better.

I would love to sit around and express about my rough month but what benefit will any of you get from it? I'm here to support and help people instead of finding people who would help me but to be honest, I'm so broken I would actually talk about my problems. But I'll put a twist to it. Just to make it a fair entry. I'll make several entries to fill up my blog since I've been neglecting it for so long. I'll make it up to you guys (who?) lol. I promise.

For this entry, I'll be talking about the first problem that started my rough month. I know this may sound pathetic but it was a break up. A clean heartbreaking break up. A very very one-sided heartbreak if you ask me. He left me over his own reasons that I still don't understand. I've been considering whether to tell you guys what bothered me the most about the break up & I decided to keep it a hush. Let's just say, it was devastating. Truly truly devastating. But it got me thinking; who can you possibly love when even the nicest people can turn into your worst nightmare?

Love is not about the happy moments or the crazy dates. It's nothing about that because you know what? People can EASILY make you happy. It's anyone and everyone's job so it's no surprise that they make you happy. The true challenge is being there for them when they look messy, broken and simply abnormal. It's when you stay with them for their downs and you fight for them no matter what goes on with life. It's the sacrifice you make for your freedom. Restricting yourself from the wrong people that would hurt your partner anyhow. It's about completing one another.

My mistake was for falling for him for his ups, because he had no downs. And apparently, I have too much downs. Too much flaws for him to handle. He had none, at first; until true colors became clear enough for me to see what a big mistake he was. I was too comfortable with the love he gave me until I was clueless that he had too much love to be given to one person only. Well, you get the idea, no? He was a heartless man with too much love to be given to. Simply too much. My mistake for chasing him. My mistake for letting him back in my life after being left so many times. I only had one reason for my act. I was actually happy.

But that comes back to my first point. Love is not about being happy. It's about finding someone that would fight for you even through all your bullshit because they love you that much. I was happy when I was with him but did he fight for me? No, he did not. Is that what love is about? It's definitely not. So think twice before you say you love anyone because if they don't fight for you, they don't accept your flaws, they don't stand up for you, that is not love. No matter how good they are at making your day, making you carve a smile on that face. If it's not love, it's not love.

Till the next entry.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer

#13

"I'm alright"

The most subjective way to describe how you're feeling. By being "alright". Truth is, there are so many types of being alright such as "my life is so perfect I can never be happier" alright or "why is my life so unfair I want a new life" alright or the most famous and will be discussed on this entry kind of alright; "my life is unstable and I'm too tired to fix it". Why is it so famous? Because it describes us teens really perfectly. Everything is going on too fast. We need time to breathe, look at the clouds and remember how great life is. Unfortunately, we don't get such time because we're being pressured to study, face drama, make friends, keep the friends we have, make truce with our enemies, impress society (NOPE), solve our problems, face insecurities, dietaries, work outs, extra curriculum activities and SO MUCH MORE. How are we teens supposed to catch up with all of this and have the time to stop and look at the clouds? The ugly truth is, we don't, if you believe it that way. We have too much going on and we don't have time to lack off. Heck, we don't even have time to actually sleep. This topic is really subjective as well. So today, I'm going to tell you how to manage your time and to solve this crisis every teen is going through. Probably going to do it part by part so follow my blog to stay updated! 

In this entry, I'm going to explain to you why you have this problem, and how to slowly overcome it. First and foremost, if you're a teen and you feel like your life means nothing and you're so tired of living this life, push away EVERYTHING that's burdening you and just look at the clouds for an hour or so. Put on your earphones and play some calm music to accompany you. Relax your mind and have a good time for yourself. After all, you deserve it. Here me out! We have the same issue. All of us. No matter how smart, or lazy, or wealthy, or popular you are, you will encounter the same issue. It's all about the exhaustion. Because you think you have no time for yourself. That is what society makes you believe but actually, you have more than enough. When was the last time you actually put down your phone, go to the park and just lie down to look at the clouds? Because I do that every week and my life feels like it starts over every single week. The key to happiness is gratitude. Be grateful with what you still have and use it wisely. 

Yes, you have to focus on your studies. And yes, you have to pull yourself together everyday. But nobody ever said you have to socialize a lot to be happy. Nope. I do not find happiness in that at all and I think everyone shouldn't either. Drama on Twitter? Whatsapp? School? POINTLESS!!! Ever heard of the saying "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Well that's more than enough to explain what not to do. And that's talking. Socializing. It's a want, not a need. If you constantly waste your time doing things you want and neglect the things you're supposed to do to actually make you happy, you're calling trouble upon yourself. You don't have to be popular to be happy. I would know. I've been an underdog for years and I know how it feels to walk around school corridors knowing that NO ONE gives a crap about you. I've been there, I've done that. And you know what? I survived. 

I know it sounds scary to be alone but nobody knows how to make yourself happy but the body carrying the soul itself. You may think you need a best friend, a relationship or guy best friends to be happy but you know what I think? You just need to be grateful. If you're not grateful with what you have, you will never find your true happiness. Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night thinking you have absolutely no reason to live? If you have, did you go pray, thanking God for the life you're currently living and seek for forgiveness for doubting His Mightiness? Because if you didn't, you have to rethink the way you run your life because you're not grateful at all. The best thing you can have in your life is an actual life. And millions of people are begging to come back to life. To live the life they once had, all over again. Do you think they actually get such chance? No. You still have a life so spend it wisely.

If you're grateful with the body you have, the hair you have, the face, the friends, the family, and even the enemies, you would realize that life isn't that bad after all. It's all about perspectives. If you think your life is bad because you're not a size 0, you will live every single day of your life thinking you don't deserve to live because you're not skinny enough. Compared to someone who accepts their body as it is, living a happy life. Which one would you prefer? Gratitude is everything. There's no use of trying to be happy if you can't be grateful with the life you have because that is already the biggest blessing. Want more? Put effort and pray for it. Blessings won't come falling down like rain. Note that.

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#12

I have put this entry under consideration probably 47 times and I have thought enough. This HAS to be expressed one way or another. I have a question for you. Define "lover" in your own ways. Is it someone that will make you happy when you're feeling neutral? Or someone that will make you laugh like you're high when you're crying your eyeballs out? I'm about to give you an explanation of how I define a "lover" and then you evaluate your partner yourselves alright? These are the little things that you have to think through before you accept ANYONE in your life. Be it as a best friend, or a significant other. Here they are.

NUMBER ONE

Making you smile is clearly an important step they have to do to win a person's heart but the real question is how they make you smile, why they make you smile, when they make you smile and how it affects them, when you smile. Firstly, how. How does your partner make you smile? By buying you flowers because you retweeted a post saying that makes a girl happy? Or by buying you expensive perfumes because they assume you don't have tons of them already? Or the best way is by using their own methods they learn from being close to you. Personal experience, he would sing this specific song, in a specific tone, and at a specific speed, because he knows that makes me smile.Why? Because he studies the little things about me. And that is very important. Okay next, why? Why do they make you smile? This can be related to my last question which is how smiling can affect their life. The only reason anyone should be making you smile is because they feel like it's crucial to see those lips curve to form a smile. When you smile, they feel like a winner. I hate using personal references but I write my blog from life experiences so I apologize. Anyway, he would usually let me win an argument and I would be the child I am, smiling from ear to ear. Little did I know he had a different intention for letting me win the argument. He told me he was winning because he gets to see my smile. I know, it's cheesy and very typical. But it's always about the little things. Lastly, when they make you smile. It's actually a very good question. I know of a relationship where the man would make her girl feel special in every way but would leave her when she's upset because he was scared of how angry she was. That is a total no no. He should be making you happy no matter how he felt. Why? Because when she's smiling, he would be happy as well. According to my grandparents, that is true love. Put this in your considering box and think about it at night when you have useless thoughts that keeps you awake at 3 am. Would you want someone who is afraid to make you happy, or someone who puts his life goals to see you smile? Think.

NUMBER TWO

We can tell how much we mean to someone by the effort they put for us. It doesn't matter if it's the effort in texting us, or meeting us. It's definitely the effort that counts. Would you really want a man who would only text you when they have nothing else to do? That obviously means they don't put you first. Why give your all to someone who gives you his least? Why give someone your time when he doesn't appreciate it and doesn't put effort to spend time on you? Life is all about making the right choices. Or, learn from the wrong ones. Being busy is one thing but if he's just chilling all day all night and only calls you before going to bed, that's not good enough for someone who constantly misses him, texts him, calls him, all day trying to get to him. He doesn't put enough effort? Dump him and find someone that would. You KNOW you deserve better. You don't have to be with him just because you love him. Some people are meant to love, but was never meant to be together. Unfortunately, I had to learn that the hard way. Being with someone means you have to feel special. He would do anything to make you smile. He settles for nothing less. That is what true happiness is. And if you're not happy in a relationship, you're just defeating the purpose of being in one in the first place. Think about priorities. If you put them first, be sure that they put you first as well. At least, second. It's all about understanding.

NUMBER THREE

Are they scared of losing you? Would they fight for you? Does he think you're the one? Vice versa? This is important. A relationship will either lead you to a horrible break up that will scar you for a long time, or it leads to a happy marriage and being in love for eternity. Now, do you think he's the one? Because if you don't, LEAVE HIM. You have absolutely no reason to be with anyone if you think you're doing it for fun. There are only two roads in a relationship. And it definitely won't go both ways. Think about it. If you're too young to think about marriage, why bother be in a relationship? Because that is where a relationship will lead you one day. Either that, or an awful break up. If you think you wouldn't want to go through the latter, I suggest you rethink your decisions. There are only two ways in a relationship and there's nothing in between. Don't waste your time thinking about marriage at such a young age. Don't be in a relationship. It's easy as that. My parents planned my future since the day I was born so I really don't have much to think about. Just need to make the right decisions and learn from the wrong ones for now. If you think you're being in a relationship because you love him, tell me this. Why would you love someone knowing you're going to marry someone else one day? I don't know, man. A relationship seems pointless if you're doing it because you think he's cute or because he swept you off your feet. Who you marry, is already determined by God. So why would you put effort on someone you don't even want to marry? Let God do His job and just have fun with life. If you think you're going to marry your lover one day, put effort. Don't say I didn't warn you.



Pretty sure that's all I have to say FOR NOW. I have so much more to point out but probably next time. This has been a great session for me to secretly rant but you people don't have to know that. I just hope you guys aren't dating the wrong people. It's always great to know you're happy with life and not have a bad night every night. Think about it, alright.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer

#11

"Kalau cantik, takpa jugak"

A very typical Malay saying that mainly means you can only do so, if you're pretty. Literal translation, "kalau cantik" means if you're pretty. "takpa jugak" means it's fine. The question is, why is it fine to do anything if you're pretty? I didn't know there's a dress code for mistakes. But, the true question in my opinion is, what is the definition of a pretty girl? What is beauty? Who is beautiful? Why is she beautiful? Look, I think some girls are really really beautiful, but other girls are simply beautiful. These are my reasons:

HEART

A lady is beautiful when they have a nice heart. To be honest, everyone is nice in my point of view. Is there ever a bad girl? No matter how bad the girl is, they would always have that respect for older people, for their parents, for teachers and others too. Girls who don't have respect for others, don't really have respect for herself either. Which comes back to my "everyone is beautiful " statement. Never ever have I ever seen a bad girl in front of me because I'm blessed to be surrounded by great people, and great ladies. The heart should be the center of attention in society, not the looks nor the body. Without the heart, a stunning girl with a flawless face would mean absolutely nothing.

FACE

Don't get me wrong. I still think gorgeous girls are extremely gorgeous. But what makes a girl gorgeous? When they have A FACE. In general, a face. A pair of eyes, ears, a mouth and a nose. And not some girl with huge eyes and a sharp nose and such. No. I'm saying, if you have a face, you are beautiful. And if you don't have a perfect face, you're missing an eye, or your nose is deformed, it would make you extra beautiful. Especially when you learn to accept your flaws. A face is just a face. Nothing makes it beautiful if you don't accept your face the way it is.

CONFIDENCE

Nothing beats beauty than confidence. Anyone can look beautiful, as long as they have confidence. I've seen insecure ladies, and they are beautiful. The only thing they lack is confidence. If they have the self-esteem to show the world how beautiful they are, the world would see it. Regarding how you look. Because looks don't matter, right? It's really about your mental and physical. Whether they are beautiful to you or not. It's proven that a person will look better on days she feels confident compared to the days she feels insecure. So chin up, ladies. Wanna look beautiful? Feel beautiful, believe you're beautiful, and embrace it!

BODY

No, I'm not talking about thigh gaps, or collar bones, or even obvious shoulder blades. But I am talking about the legs you have. And the arms you have. Wow, you must be beautiful and blessed to have a pair of those! You are truly beautiful, embrace it. Life is not about thinspo or fat ((sorry)). Heck, there's no such thing as those categories. It's never about what size you are. It's about being grateful with everything you have. Some people are born without legs, or arms, or lost them in a battle but they embrace it the same way you embrace skinny bodies. Difference is, they don't have legs, and they are still content. Those kind of people are a million times more beautiful than girls who would starve themselves for skinnier legs. Like I said before, inner beauty is everything. You don't need thigh gaps to know you're important. You don't need to be a size 0 to be a part of the world. If you are grateful with your body, you embrace it, and always thank God for the blessings, you are good to go.

My point is, beauty is not about the hair colour, or the body size, or the face or anything like that. Those are extra assets to make yourself feel better when self-esteem is not there. But if you don't have self-esteem, what will that result you with? Absolutely nothing. Girls, you are so much better than you think, regarding how you look in the mirror. Because if it wasn't clear enough, everyone is truly beautiful to me, as long as you believe you are. I know you feel insecure and have no confidence at times but if you need me, call me up. I will remind you of how beautiful you are. If you don't have blond hair, or blue eyes, or a size 0 body, or skinny legs, I BELIEVE you are still beautiful in your own beautiful skin. Because beauty is all about the inside. And it should never be about the outside. Believe that you are beautiful, and may the society see what you see in yourself.

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#10

My dad, the wisest man I have ever known to love has always told me, "Don't be too happy, no matter how happy you are". The only phrase he reminds me every time I go out for anything. Even for school. Why? I used to think he doesn't want me to be happy until I grew up and finally understood the true meaning of the phrase. The ugly truth is that when you're happy, you will get sad. And when you're sad, happiness follows right behind you. Don't believe me? Self-reflect time. Have you ever had a happy day, everything goes well. School was less tiring, friends were really nice, teachers were great and everything went perfect. But at night, things got bad. Family starts to blame you for something you didn't do. Your boyfriend had a bad day and gets mad at you for replying 1.5 minutes late. You feel empty and depressed. And you have absolutely no idea why. Well, that's because you're on the bottom part of the earth. If you don't know me well enough, you wouldn't know this one metaphor I use;

"Life is like the Earth. It's the entire Earth. It revolves. At one point, you will be on top, being happy with life and nothing will ever make you sad. Things would go well and everyone treats you nicely. But after a few hours, the Earth would start to rotate and bring you to the bottom part of the Earth. That's when life starts to be difficult. People will test your patience. They will make you mad. You will feel upset and depressed for no reason. Why? I don't know. It's just that way. You're at the bottom so you have to bring yourself up. You have friends, best friends, your significant other and even your family. They will help bring yourself up. The trick is, when you're coming back up, would you be right on top of the world or go to the middle? Being in the middle means you're moderate. Moderation is the key to life. Not too happy, not too sad. Alright, so now you're going back on top. What do you do? Would you directly go on top and go back to the bottom one day or would you go to the middle and when the Earth rotates, you would still be in the middle? Life is about making the right decision. Before you make a decision, think to yourself. Will this lead me to the top, middle or bottom? The choice is always in your hands"

Do you guys understand what I'm trying to say? Life is not about being as famous as the plastics. It's not about being the losers people look down on. It's about being moderate. You are respected for your moderation. Stay out of trouble. That's what my dad meant by "don't be too happy". He doesn't want me to be too happy with life and get drowned in depression afterwards. He has always been the wisest man if you understand what he's trying to say. And I managed to interpret what he said into my own version of advice. So take this piece of advice, and keep it forever.

LIFE WILL BE HARD, LIFE WILL GET EASY, ITS WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO ABOUT IT, WILL EITHER MAKE YOU, OR BREAK YOU.

Make the right decision when you're handling with life because you can either be really happy about it, or very very unhappy. It's all up to you. I would personally choose being in between, any day. I don't care if I'm not popular and no one knows me. I also don't care if people look down on me. I have my own standards and my standards is to be moderate. I'll stay in between so that I won't get kicked in the face by reality. Think about it guys :-)

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#9

"Don't lose yourself," said the voice in my head. Can I keep this up? All this pain I've been keeping? Is it even possible? Those words haunted me as I went on with my life pretending to be happy and problem-free. For years, I had suffered from depression. The first incident I can remember happened when I was 11. I was already depressed and I couldn't feel anything else but sadness. I can't remember a single day without having the urge to come home and weep alone in a dark corner, begging to die. Fortunately, things got slightly better for me. I learned to be stronger and believe that everything will get better.

By the time I aged and turned 13, it happened again. Those voice in my head, telling me how worthless I am, it kept screaming. The outbursts would happen monthly. Most of the time, I would think it's normal for a teen with hormones but it started to worry me when it happens every week. I spend most of my day being the happy and cheeky girl I was known to people but my mind seemed to take a life of its own. Initially, they happened for no reason. But now, everything is a reason. I can't think of one thing that would make me happy. Everywhere I turn, my mind would create a tragedy scene and make me upset instantly. No matter how happy the situation is, all would be twisted by my mind into something really awful and painful.

I tried seeking for help. From everyone I could think of; parents, siblings, best friends and even boyfriend. Nothing seems to work because my mouth couldn't find the right words to describe how I felt. I'm depressed. What is so complicated about that? I want to be happy but it's difficult. Every time I try to explain my feelings, this little voice in my head starts screaming how worthless, stupid and hopeless I was. Eventually, I gave up.

It was when I was 16 I realized, I found the perfect solution. The only way to stop the suffering was simply not to feel anything anymore. It's not that hard for someone who has crazy activities in school and has great friends to keep me busy. It was great to stop feeling depressed and just be happy with life but everything good will come to an end eventually. It wasn't long until I felt this emptiness in my heart. I could barely feel any emotions in whatever I do and it got to a point where I would self-harm just to feel something, even if it was physical pain.

Living my life was scary. Everything you see, will turn horrible in your mind. One wrong step and you end up crying alone without any specific reasons. My life felt as if I was being chased by a black hole that would swallow me whole. It was so bad that I would never understand why. Why is this happening to me? Depression is something indescribable and it's nothing I would ever ask for. I wish my mind would shut up for once and let me be normal. I want to be normal. Just once. When will this suffering end? When will my mind stop creating scenes to upset me? Questions remain unanswered.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer

#8

It takes two.

Two people to make a relationship work,

Two birds to make an egg,

Two legs for a man to stand up,

Two ears to hear left and right,

Two poles to hold a bridge.

A lot of things, takes two in order to make it work. Just like love. What is a relationship without a partner? Apart from your love for yourself and animals, you need another person to complete love. Regarding the gender, height, wealth, music taste, family background and looks, everyone needs another person to complete love together. As most of you know, I met my other half. It was very quick, but I’m sure he’s the one. He’s different, he’s special, he’s mine. Love is beautiful when you meet the right person. It’s not about the looks. It never was. I understand how everyone says it’s B-crap when someone says they don’t look at the looks but believe it or not, I didn’t. I never did. He has a beautiful face but he was a jerk so I turned him down immediately. By force, I had to keep the conversation going because I’m not good at ending conversations but I’m glad I didn’t. I learned that behind that jerky attitude he had, he was actually very kind. He just puts that yucky trait to avoid girls, probably? My point is, it’s never about the appearance. When you grow old, you only have white hair left, and wrinkles, and no longer beautiful, what will keep you together? Definitely the humor, the brain, the charm and the grace. It’s not always about the outside because the outside will fade and the inside will shine. Will you accept a dirty inside for a beautiful outside, or vice versa? The latter, of course. The inside is forever, outside is temporary. Not to mention the fact that the outside is very fragile. For example, you were in a car crash. After your treatment, it seems that your face is all different. Scars and cuts everywhere. Would they stay for your face? Of course not! But for your heart? Definitely. Because a beautiful heart beats a beautiful face, any day. Sadly, society thinks differently. If you’re beautiful, you deserve happiness. If you’re not a size 0, you are no one. Because nobody realizes how important the inside is until they lose the outside. Just a heads up, outside fades. Don’t be so devoted for their looks. You’re going to regret it. To choose the right partner to complete your love, go for the heart. Go for what they have to offer inside, instead of how they look on the outside. Because nothing is better than the purity of the heart. Absolutely nothing.

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#7

“I’M LONELY”

A phrase often said by teenagers, and I’m one of them. I’m currently lonely. I’m alone. I’m around the people I love the most, but I feel lonely. I feel like walking the earth alone no matter how many people I have walking beside me. Let’s face it, I’m probably the loneliest teenager in my neighborhood. Probably because I have everyone I need but to them, I’m no one the need. It’s a really one-sided relationship I have with everyone around me.

“I’m still alone.”

I have to remind myself everyday that I have people I love around me because they make me feel like I’m nothing. By the end of the day, I’m the one who gives reassurance that I mean something because most of the time, I’m nothing. I try my best to be happy but my effort would go down the drain every time I get shut down by the people I talk to. They never care about what I have to say because I’m never smart enough to speak my opinion.

“You’re going to be alone, forever.”

Whispered my echoes. Even I don’t like myself. Why would anyone stick around? I’m not interesting like them, I don’t drink or smoke like them, I don’t sleep around like them. I don’t have great stories to tell them. I sit in my room and write to myself because that’s where I find peace. I’m not good enough for them, am I? I don’t have a body to be stared, I don’t have the looks nor the hair. I’m an average. Nothing interesting. No wonder they leave. All of them.

“Nobody needs you.”

The monsters inside my mind reminds me everyday, without fail. Truth is, I don’t need anymore reminders. Reality says it all. I realize where I stand. I can’t be like them. I just can’t. I’m not how society thinks I am. I can never be that girl they expect me to be. I prefer crying in my room alone to feel better, not drink alcohol. I prefer starving myself when I’m stressed out, not stuff ice cream in my mouth. I’m actually very different. Bad different.

“You’re disgusting.”

That one statement I’m sick and tired of listening. It’s not like I don’t know it already. I’m sorry I don’t send my body to a shop so they would repair all my flaws. I like my flaws because they make me who I am. I don’t have a barbie face. I don’t go for weekly facial treatments, waxing, threading or anything like that. I don’t wear make up, ever. I keep myself natural and flawful when I go out because that’s who I am.

“You are such an embarrassment.”

An embarrassment? My whole life is an embarrassment. I don’t make my parents proud. I don’t make my friends happy. I don’t make my boyfriend blessed. Because I can only make people unhappy. I’m not good at making people feel delighted around me. They never listen to me. Because I’m not as important as everyone else. I’m different, and I’m awful. People think twice before befriending me. They reject whenever I invite them for hang outs. They don’t want to be caught being around me in public. Wow, I am really terrible.

“Just kill yourself.”

You think I didn’t try? You think dying is easy? It takes the right equipment, timing and privacy. I get none of them. My parents won’t let me go anywhere near a knife. No one would leave me alone in the room when I’m depressed because they know what I would do. Every time I attempt something, someone WILL interrupt me. Is it fate that I’m not meant to die yet? Only God knows. I don’t want to leave the people I love behind, but they want me to go. Why is life being a teen so difficult?

Most of the time, I’m suicidal. I think about death a lot. Too much for a teenager like me. I like living, but death sounds like a perfect getaway. I’m smart enough to know life after death won’t be beautiful for people who commits suicide but no one would attempt suicide for fun. I’m tired of being everyone’s second choice. I’m my parents’ second choice. My best friends’ third choice maybe? I can rely on my boyfriend. He’s been there for me when I cry and when I laugh. Because he wants to be there for my best and worst. I also rely on my best friends. They are everything to me. Unlike some people, they only need me when I’m at my best so that they don’t have to listen to my burdening stories. No one cares, dear self. Snap out of it!

“You can go through this. It’s just another suicidal phase. Everyone loves you. They need you”

I remind myself every time I feel this way. Surprisingly, it helps me a lot. I need you right now. I need you to give me strength because without you, I’m weaker than my usual weak self. You give me strength, and you give me hope. I wish everyone would treat me the way you do. Life would be decent for me. But no, everyone has their important people. I’m just not one of them.

“It’s okay, dear self. Everything is going to be fine and it will get better”

I chant in my mind. I can make things better without anyone’s help. I don’t need to self harm or take pills. I can just do what I always do. Watch movies? Call my boyfriend? Listen to music? Anything to keep my mind off such horrible ideas like suicide or anything like that.

“Just don’t hurt yourself anymore, dear self. You’re better than this”

I say, as tears stream down my face. I’m not the strong girl you think I am. I may be quiet, but I’m not strong. You don’t know the meaning of strong until you go through the loneliness I feel everyday. I just wish one day, people would say I mean something to them. For once, I want to feel important. And if possible, I want to hear it before I go. Please, at least let me go in peace. I want to feel happiness. Just like normal teenagers do. I’m not strong. I need happiness too.

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#6

To all the heartbroken peeps who can’t move on, this post is for you. Let me start with my own experience, true story:

“I was once madly in love with a guy. It was his senior year, I was a freshman. He was the tough guy and he plays rugby for the state. He was in the hottest and most popular clique along with the really good looking seniors that everyone looks up to. I was just another girl. Fat and ugly. Every time they walk pass me, I would think to myself, “They would never talk to me. Never in a million years”. Everything changed when I was at school, open hall, I received a friend request on BBM. It was from him. I asked my friends for confirmation because I couldn’t believe myself. I approved it and said NOTHING. Suddenly, he started the conversation with a simple hi. I couldn’t believe it. Why would such a famous guy, known to the whole neighborhood, say anything to such an underdog like me? Anyway, I played cool. Kept a conversation going for quite a while. After a couple months, I fell for him. Fast, I know. He was never a gentleman, but he’s truly charming. And it was a surprise how he would talk to someone like me. So one day, I decided to confess to him my feelings towards him. Boy, you have no idea how painful it was to find out he JUST got together with one of the sophomores. I was devastated, but I moved on. After a month, I heard news that he broke up with that girl. Oh, and not to mention they were a hot couple and people shipped them so much. So, he started talking to me again and he told me he couldn’t be with her because he has feelings for me. I HAD BUTTERFLIES EVERYWHERE. After a few weeks, he had the guts to ask me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t take much time to accept. We were as happy as can be. We were the same, but very different. When I go out with him, it felt like going out with myself. No one can read me the way he does. He understood everything about me. After half a year, things got rough. Misunderstandings happened much too often. We fought a lot. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I didn’t know how to save the relationship. Things happened too fast. I blame myself for that. One day, everything just ended like that. At first, it was easy to move on because he was a total jerk. He dated the head cheerleader after a week, which made me hate him so much. 3 months after moving on, he came back. Begging for me. He claimed that I was the best he’s ever had. I shot him down and left him hanging. Deep down inside, I still loved him. The same way I have since the first day. But I had to do the right thing and reject him. I kept my feelings for him for so long. Recently, he came back to me again. He claimed that I was still his best even after 3 years of breaking up. He dated girls after me but he still thinks I’m the best? There must be something wrong with that boy. I rejected him, once again. He says that after I graduate school, he wants us to get back together and get married because he needs me in his life. I was flattered. I still have those butterflies I get 3 years ago, even after being apart for so long. That was the effect from being with him. He was definitely my first, and best. I would always reject him but if I’m being perfectly honest, he will always have that spot he once left in my heart. Although that spot is taken by someone else, he left the deepest mark and it’s going to be there, forever”

I, too, have trouble with moving on. It takes the right people, right activity, and right mindset to move on properly. Now, to help you people who has trouble with moving on. First of all, I want to help you mentally. Do you know why you have to move on? Because you deserve happiness. You cannot stay devoted to someone that was once yours, or never yours in the first place. Because you don’t deserve that pain. Hanging on to a person that doesn’t feel the same will only hurt yourself and you can definitely change that. First step is to bear in mind that you HAVE to let go. You HAVE to forget that person. Lets just use “he” to ease the progress. If you’re a guy, interpret it yourself and change every “he” to a “she” alright? Okay anyway, no matter how good he is, if he’s not yours anymore, you have to let go. I know it hurts to see him with another girl but trust me when I say, there’s someone so much better for you. There’s 7 billion people in the world. You don’t need that one person to be happy. Even if he’s your husband and you guys have a divorce, you will find someone better. No one is made for one person only. Many of you would think that it’s “fate” but IT’S NOT. It’s fate if you marry him, stay happy and die together. That’s fate. Not your boyfriend from your class or whatsoever. Maybe to you, it’s fate because they make you super happy. Then, you’re probably right. But once they become really clingy and you’re sick of it, you have to move on. A person is only permanent when they make you happy, even when you’re unhappy. If you’re madly in love with a guy who doesn’t make you happy, you have to get your head straight because why are you in love if he doesn’t make you happy? You have to know when you can be devoted, and when you have to move on. Look people, being in love is a great feeling. But when the love dies and you’re not together anymore, know that there are so many more fishes in the sea so let go of the one you have. You just need the right bait and a good fishing rod. Right bait can either be money, or brains. A good fishing rod can be a hot body or charms. Anything will do. As long as you know that when you have the right bait and a good fishing rod, you can catch better fishes than the one you have on your line. The fish on your line is probably an old boot or an empty tin can. You have no idea what the world has to offer. There is so much more you can discover. Don’t waste your life on an old boot when you can let go, cast again and probably catch a huge ass shark? You will never know what you’re missing out until you discover on your own. And you can never discover anything until you let go what’s not making you happy or satisfied. If you’re blessed with the fish you have, and you’re sure as hell that it’s an actual fish, then you can reel in the line and keep the fish in an aquarium or something. If what you have on the line is a shoe and you know it’s someone else’s shoe, you have to let go and cast for something better. Metaphorically, that was my advice. To be straight forward, if you know he’s not for you, and you’re not for him, let go. There are so many people in the world and you will find someone better because everyone deserves the perfect guy. It just takes the right mindset to know when to let go. I hope some of you would have the right idea of the message I’m trying to send in part 1. I will work on part 2 as soon as I can, alright? Think about it. The right bait and a good fishing rod. Let go of the old boot for a really expensive and rare fish. Best of luck!

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer.

#5

Assalamualaikum. If you still read my blog after all my pointless entries, you mean a lot to me. Because I’m a very pointless writer. And for you to have such attention span for something pointless is incredible. Anyway, I want to share my two cents about society. Society is rather general. It is basically the mankind. Don’t get me wrong, I love certain parts of the society. It’s the least favorite part of society deserves a spot in this entry. I don’t know if you know this but I actually have the ability to know someone’s true intentions. When they talk to me, I know when they’re trying to boast, when they’re trying to be humble (but still boast), when they want to rub it in my face or when they don’t care about the subject they’re speaking of. Most of the time, I can detect how boastful a person can be and it irritates me more than anything. That’s the main reason why I avoid society. Because I cannot tolerate how arrogant they can be. Society is awful at times. They will hurt you no matter what they do, behind you or right in your face. People who prefer going behind another’s back, known as backstabbers, should be loathed. I’ve known a million backstabbers my entire life and I haven’t even lived that long. Backstabbers are actually nice people, just less honest. When they despise a friend or a family member, they tend to lie about how much they like that person. Which leads to false hope and also a fake way of seeing someone. When they hide their true hatred, they will have their limits and eventually spreads the hatred for that person, to another person.  Either that, or they spread hate through social networks anonymously, or indirectly. If you’re honest (unfortunately like me), you would tell off someone for something they do that isn’t your interest without filtering anything because you’re honest. In my opinion, being honest is much better than being two-faced and hide something you dislike and spreading hate for no reason. You can always say it to their face and hope that they change because that’s what I do. And tell me this, would you prefer changing yourself from what anonymous people tell you or from a really honest friend who does it privately, not publicly. The latter obviously, no? I would prefer an honest friend any day.

Now, there’s always a twist in my entries. Society hates honest people. Why? Because they think being honest is rude, which I totally disagree. Would you really prefer a friend who talks behind you rather than saying it to your face? I think honest people are slowly extincting in this cruel world and it has to be changed. If you don’t like a person, say it directly. Don’t hide it and keep it to yourself. It’s only going to turn into a massacre of problems inside your mind because they tend to repeat the same mistakes. They’ll PROBABLY stop if you tell them it’s bothering other people. There’s no harm done in being honest. Only to people who thinks they’re always right, though. They will never listen to another person’s opinion and they tend to mute advice from people. These kind of people has to be told off for not listening to a person’s opinion, not talked behind their backs. There’s no such human who deserves to be back stabbed because it’s such an awful thing to be done in this world. We should put backstabbing to a halt, make the world a better place. If you have something to say about a friend that you dislike, say it now. Talking badly about someone is not only bad, it’s a sin. Instead of continuing a sin, tell them directly and hope that they change into a better person. Every effort counts, every change starts from YOU. Stop backstabbing and be a man of your own words. Speak what’s on your mind to the person being thought of. No third-parties. Make the world a better place!

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer.

#4

It’s been a while, I must say. I’m actualy 7364.65 miles away from the place I usually blog. Currently in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Probably in the Africa continent. I’ve never been good in Geography. Anyway, how are you readers? I have so much in my mind to express but it’s appropriate to share my experience here in Saudi Arabia.

First day, our flight landed at 8.45 pm at Jeddah. That’s around 3.45 am in Malaysia. When we arrived, we were greeted averagely by the Arabs. They were pretty scary at first. Only because some of the people couldn’t follow such simple instructions which obviously would tick the security guards off. So we had to go in a queue for about 2 hours because of BAD systems. We waited that long just for our luggage bags. And they weren’t even careful with them. They would throw them to the floor like dirty laundry. Anyway, after a whole 2 hours, we got our luggage safely and we walked to the bus. It was probably 7 blocks away. Once we got in the bus, it took us 4 hours to reach Medina. We obviously slept in the bus because we weren’t used to the time zone yet. Oh, and when we stopped somewhere for a quick pit-stop, IT WAS FREEZING. We were totally unprepared and it was beyond our expectations. It was so cold I can feel my bones begging for mercy. We had to pray in such weather and with total shock after sleeping so soundly in the bus. After that was done, we got up in the bus and went through about an hour to reach the hotel. Once we got there, it was probably the best feeling ever. We stayed at a hotel called Elaf Tayiba and it was great. It’s a decent 4-star hotel with WIFI at the lobby. The room was comfortable and it was so much more than we expected. Without doing anything further, we put on our pajamas and went to bed. Now that was probably the best sleep I’ve ever had in 16 years. We woke up during Subuh prayers at 5 am and took our wudhu’ in cold water, shock of my life. After praying, we basically sat the lobby, steal WIFI, eat, pray, shop, visit places and yaaaaaa that’s all we did. Medina was a very decent city. Not that busy, not that hot, not that cold, everyone was so friendly and it’s definitely somewhere I wanna live! After 3 days of doing nothing much, we had to say goodbye to the city of peace.

We hopped on the bus and went through 4 hours to get to Mecca. En route, we had to stop at a certain mosque for Miqat. Meaning, we read some sentences that will put us in an “Ihram” state. At that point, we are forbided from clipping our nails, cutting our hair, say bad things, expose our body and a lot more regulations. If one breaks the rule, they have to pay “dam” which is in a form of money. Usually it’s paying the amount of money worth a goat, or a camel. Luckily, we manage to control ourselves and non of us had to pay for “dam”. Anyway, once we reached our hotel in Mecca called Al-Saraya Eman, we had dinner and then perform our first Umrah. If you don’t know what Umrah is, it is a form of activity Muslims do. Umrah is actually a mini Haji. And a Haji is actually compulsory for people who has the money to do it.

Anyway, we performed our Umrah which consists of walking around the Kaabah 7 times, called Tawaf. Walk from Bukit Safa till Bukit Marwah 7 times, called Sa’i. And then do Tahlul, which is cutting at least 3 strands of your hair. After doing Tahlul, you are automatically lifted off from Ihram meaning we can do all the things we couldn’t while being under it.

Once we finished our first Umrah, we went back to the hotel and went to sleep because it was 5 am and we were truly exhausted. Oh, an information I left out, the hotel was rated below average. 2-star, in my opinion. It was small, dirty, poorly-serviced and has no wifi connectivity AT ALL. But I was grateful, without a doubt. Being at such a Holy city meant the world to me and I had absolutely no reason to complain. In Mecca, we visited many historic places such as Bukit Arafah and Hudaibiyyah. It is busier here. The mosque is further which means we have to get ready sooner. Cars are everywhere and people here are less friendly compared to Medina. Okay anyway, we performed our second Umrah on the fourth day. It was amazing. We did the Tawaf on the higher floor. Better view of the Kaabah and less people but it was under the sun. If you guys don’t know this, I’ve always been afraid of the sun. I get sunburns so easily. Although I participate in so much sport, my face is my top priority. So, after we did Tawaf, we did Sa’i and then Tahlul. Then we went back to the hotel and rested all day. Mecca is less interesting because it’s much too busy here. Everyone is busy doing ibadah and selling stuff around the mosque and policemen were everywhere. Basically, it wasn’t my kind of beef. Currently, it’s 3.47 pm here in Mecca. My flight to Malaysia is tomorrow evening at 10 pm and it’s a 10 hour-flight back. I can’t wait to go back.Well, it’s goodbye for now. Nothing much to say about Mecca nor Medina anymore. Till the next entry, bye!

Sincerely,

The Abstruse Writer

#3

I'm in love with my best friend.
I fell in love with him,
A little too hard.
He is everything to me.
He is my best friend,
Partner in crime,
Problem solver,
Care taker,
Other half,
And most importantly,
He is my soul mate.

I have never felt this blessed to have someone in my life after so long. I have found the man of my dreams. The man I want to spend my life with in the future; together forever. I've been totally happy ever since I met him. Never this happy in my entire life. What makes him so special? Why did I choose him? What has he done for me that made me fall so hard? What's different about him? Why is he the one for me?
This is my story:

I was never the happy girl you would normally encounter. I'm depressed and suicidal most of the time. I'm broken and I used to think I can never be fixed ever again. That is, until I met him. How did we meet? Well, he is an archer. One day, he had an archery competition in my school. Coincidentally, I had some business to be done so I bumped into him. We started talking and for some reason, I just had to take a picture with him so I did. And we started talking on twitter via direct message. At first, I found him really annoying and he was such a jerk, playing hard to get and all. I couldn't care less so I distant myself from him because he was being so annoying. I was at the point where I would thank God whenever he has to do something like eat or bath because I'm glad I don't have to reply to that jerk. One day, he asked for my number because it's always more convenient to whatsapp each other so I did, despite the fact that I know I would get super annoyed by him. I ignored that fact and gave him my number. So we started whatsapp-ing each other. He was still playing hard to get and I was playing Miss I Don't Care. He mentioned something about meeting again and I thought to myself, "Hell no girl, you are not meeting that jerk. Don't even think about agreeing" but I was never good at listening to my own words so I told him, "Yeah sure, why not?". Pfft why not? Because he was a pain in the ass, that's why! Anyway, we proceeded our whatsapp conversations to a skype call just for the sake of seeing his beautiful face. We started chatting on whatsapp all day and all night. His blood has a little Arab mixed in it so I learnt speaking a little bit in Arabic from him. One day, he called me "habibti" which meant my love in Arabic. I was flattered. I also called him "habibi" which meant my love for male in Arabic too. Feelings bud and it was magical. He was humorous and knows me well for someone who just met me for a few weeks. He has eyes of an angel, I swear. After weeks of skyping and whatsapp-ing, we finally had a meet up. And then feelings grew bigger as he stares into my eyes deeper. We skyped almost everyday for hours. We meet more often and we talk about feelings a lot. One day while we were skyping, I called him "baby" when we were saying our goodbyes and he called me "sayangku" which caught me immediately. Ever since, we dissed "habibti" and "habibi" and went full relationship mode. The twist is that we are not in one. We're best friends, forever. He listens to me cry and he gives me great advices about life. He asked me to be his girlfriend twice but unfortunately, I rejected him both times. I cannot bear the vision of my life without him. I can live without him, I just choose not to. I love the life I have being his best friend and I cannot ask for anything better. He has been the best for me and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship by being in a relationship. I need him to be happy again. I need my other half. He is nothing like the guys I encounter on a daily basis. He is better, tenfold. He knows how to joke around with me even when I'm not in the mood to socialize with anyone. He makes me feel important as if I'm everything to him and it's like I need to be there in order for him to be happy. He finishes off my sentences before I can even say them. He reads my mind like a high-class wizard. He is my definition of perfect and I want this to last. I want him to stay with me forever. I've even met his sisters, cousins, friends, and he met mine. He comes to my house often just to help me bake or watch tv together. I have a special bond with his family and I enjoy it. Although we live quite far from each other, he puts all his effort just to see me. I want to have him for the rest of my life because what we have right now is absolutely abnormal for me. I have never been so head over heels for someone like this. Without him, I would be the saddest and most devastated girl ever. I am truly blessed to have him. Syukur, Alhamdulillah.

Ahhhhh there we go! Part 1 of my love life. That was basically the introduction. If it wasn't obvious enough, I love him. I love my man. And he will remain my man forever. I thank Allah everyday for giving me the biggest blessing next to my parents and my best friends. God gave me a man for me to love unconditionally. I will give you my all, love. You are worth it. I love you.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer.

#2

I'm not like any other teenager. I don't drink, I don't get high, I don't fuck around with guys, I don't go to clubs, I don't socialize with people as much as I do on twitter compared to reality but I have absolute 0 problem with people who does. I have many friends who socialize like mad and I'm perfectly fine with it. What bothers me is that people look down on teenagers like me. Just because we don't go out the way you guys do, doesn't mean we're strange or something. I like being in my room and study. I don't eat the same amount you do. I eat less. I don't bother doing special treatments for my face. I don't go for waxing. I don't pluck my eyebrows. I don't wear make up. I like how my body is when it's natural. I would prefer going out au naturale, any day. All the things stated above would all lead to a life story I'm about to share.
Here it goes:

"I was never the pretty girl. I never caught anyone's attention. I'm not a size 0 and I don't have flawless hair. I'm basically me. A girl with fat thighs, fat tummy, fat arms, yucky hair, yucky face, yucky skin and a yucky taste in fashion. I never take care of my body the way other girls do. I don't go for intense facials or even wear make up. I wear clothes I think feels comfortable regarding the size, brand or color. But the twist to the story is that all my friends are absolutely opposite of who I am. They don't reflect me at all. They wear make up, doll up for school, hang out with countless guys, wear expensive clothes, drinks, smokes, sleeps around and any other social situation you can possibly think of. I bet you're wondering how? How can a basic girl like me make friends with super hot girls like them? And why? Why would any hot girl befriend me? Unfortunately, those questions will remain unanswered. I've been searching for an answer for years. In my opinion, they need me for my heart. Nice guys don't dig chicks like them and they need my advice to get the guys they want. Or they need me for whatever I have that they don't, which I'm still uncertain of. Anyway, they are my best friends and vice versa. The pain is not being with people that's totally opposite of me. It hurts knowing that I have the feeling of being unwanted and weird to them. For example, I've been looked down on for not plucking my eyebrows the way they do and they think I'm weird for not doing so. Is that really rational or am I simply being a vagina? Either ways, I feel like they don't need me the way I need them. I've always been the odd and absent one whenever they make outings because I'm nothing like them. I don't like going out after school and I don't like going out for movies with guys. I prefer being in my room to study or just sleep because nothing is better than the comfort of my own home. I don't have to go out and impress anyone because I don't think it's really that important. You will never understand the pain of a teenager who has best friends with absolutely opposite traits and to go through high school with them is going to be difficult but somehow I don't think I can make it without them. Although we are different, we are the same. I need them more than anything no matter how different we are."

Alright so that was the story. Just a small part of it though. I hope you get the message I'm trying to send to you. Basically, I'm different. I'm not like the girl you expect me to be and I'm not the average girl you will encounter. I can't promise you a day with laughter or smiles but I can promise you that I won't hurt you no matter what happens. I love all my friends and I love them just the way they are. Although I'm different, I like it. I like being the weird and odd girl because at least I'm myself. Be yourself and you'll be happy.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer.