#14

I know I know. I blog way too seldom to be named a "blog" but I swear I have my reasons. For the past couple of weeks, my life has been at its worst. I really hate talking about my personal weakness but it's the least I can do for not blogging often. Well, no one cares about how often I blog but I just feel like I should at least have the courtesy to explain myself. Such a one-sided introduction but whatever. As I said before, my life has been awful lately. Really really really bad. I was at the point where I thought I didn't have to live because the pain was somehow "unbearable" at first. But surprisingly, things got better.

I would love to sit around and express about my rough month but what benefit will any of you get from it? I'm here to support and help people instead of finding people who would help me but to be honest, I'm so broken I would actually talk about my problems. But I'll put a twist to it. Just to make it a fair entry. I'll make several entries to fill up my blog since I've been neglecting it for so long. I'll make it up to you guys (who?) lol. I promise.

For this entry, I'll be talking about the first problem that started my rough month. I know this may sound pathetic but it was a break up. A clean heartbreaking break up. A very very one-sided heartbreak if you ask me. He left me over his own reasons that I still don't understand. I've been considering whether to tell you guys what bothered me the most about the break up & I decided to keep it a hush. Let's just say, it was devastating. Truly truly devastating. But it got me thinking; who can you possibly love when even the nicest people can turn into your worst nightmare?

Love is not about the happy moments or the crazy dates. It's nothing about that because you know what? People can EASILY make you happy. It's anyone and everyone's job so it's no surprise that they make you happy. The true challenge is being there for them when they look messy, broken and simply abnormal. It's when you stay with them for their downs and you fight for them no matter what goes on with life. It's the sacrifice you make for your freedom. Restricting yourself from the wrong people that would hurt your partner anyhow. It's about completing one another.

My mistake was for falling for him for his ups, because he had no downs. And apparently, I have too much downs. Too much flaws for him to handle. He had none, at first; until true colors became clear enough for me to see what a big mistake he was. I was too comfortable with the love he gave me until I was clueless that he had too much love to be given to one person only. Well, you get the idea, no? He was a heartless man with too much love to be given to. Simply too much. My mistake for chasing him. My mistake for letting him back in my life after being left so many times. I only had one reason for my act. I was actually happy.

But that comes back to my first point. Love is not about being happy. It's about finding someone that would fight for you even through all your bullshit because they love you that much. I was happy when I was with him but did he fight for me? No, he did not. Is that what love is about? It's definitely not. So think twice before you say you love anyone because if they don't fight for you, they don't accept your flaws, they don't stand up for you, that is not love. No matter how good they are at making your day, making you carve a smile on that face. If it's not love, it's not love.

Till the next entry.

Sincerely,
The Abstruse Writer